where were you then|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 8 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Sunday, April 23rd, 2006|
I took my kids on a vacation. It has been a very long time since kids and I went on real vacation. We did go skiing/snowboarding with their Dad 6 years ago. Disney World 13 years ago. So this was nice. We go to the beach every summer, but that doesn't really count.
Oldest is going to Chapel Hill pretty much for free. He is trying to figure if he can get out of work study. That truly does disappoint me. He is who he is.
|Monday, February 13th, 2006|
I recently filled out the FAFSA for my son. I can remember my father doing this 20 years ago for me. He was very cranky about it because he didn't want to do his taxes yet and I pushing him.
I can remember about what my father put down as his income. When I was seventeen my father made the equivalent of 3 times what I make now that my son is 18.
Twenty years ago I was a National Merit Scholar. Today my son is a National Merit Scholar.
I wonder where he will be in twenty years.
|Tuesday, January 31st, 2006|
I am going to the doctor today.
About 10 years ago my husband was diagnosed with a basal cell carcinoma on his face, very close to his left eye. It was removed and they maade a big incision and quite a few stitches. I wonder what his scar looks like today? I wonder if it would have been different if we had had insurance.
|Friday, January 20th, 2006|
Today I copied Liz Phair, Barenaked Ladies, Beck, Feel, Meredith Brooks, and Moby onto my little tiny 20$ mp3 thingie. I had to do this at my dad's because my antique imac does not support this. Or I can't figure it out.
I took my 18 year old son to get his driver's license. He passed. Then we got the 1992 minivan inspected. I did gain possession of this minivan 10 years ago. It was the fanciest car I had ever driven. It had a tape deck and lights and extra buttons. Today it has duct tape and not all the buttons are usable. When I was 16 I drove a 72 Plymouth Duster. Now my son is driving a 92 Plymouth Voyager.
10 years ago I did not own a CD Player. I did have a VHS. One TV, no cable. Today I am not sure how many CD players are in the house. Plus all the DVD players and the computer play CDs. There are 3 TVs, one with cable. One playstation2, one VCR/DVD combo and one DVD.
10 years ago I did not use the internet. I used a computer at the library to look for books--I think. I'm pretty sure. It's hard because the two moves after that, the libraries became progressively more primitive. Card catalogue and then microfiche, if you can believe it. Or know what that is. Anyway, we certainly did not have a computer at home. No email account.
We had a fisher-price tape player with microphone. To listen to Raffi. And the Secret Policeman's Other Ball.
On the diet theme started earlier, I wrote down everything I ate today. If I stop now and eat nothing else today, then I will have stayed within calorie limits. There are 5 prime eating hours left in the day. So, my confidence is low on this. But I think I can do it. There aren't any chips in the house that I like and I don't feel like ice cream. The danger item might be the organic whole wheat waffles in the freezer. They are yummy drenched in syrup. Or maybe peanut butter crackers. I have 2 and a half boxes of saltines and two new jars of peanut butter. Yes, I am a food hoarder. I was 10 years ago, too.
Ten years ago my circumstances were so different. Stay at home mom, kids, church, supporting husband's choices, sewing, cooking, throwing children's parties. I worried about so many things and tried to control things there was no way I could control.
Now I understand my lack of control and I am much more likely to stand back and wait to see what happens. I have no time for children's parties, or sewing or cooking or church or stay at home moms. I have no husband, so no choices to support, which is a wonderful. Those choices were pretty difficult to justify most of the time. I lost a lot of myself in those justifications.
Are things better ten years later? I have some amazing children. They are smart, funny, interesting and interested. I think they know right from wrong. I think they are lazy slobs. I know I love them. I know they belong to themselves, not to me.
I own nothing. Everything of monetary value is owned by my father. I have a job that I enjoy. That I look forward to going to. That I do with some amount of skill. Not genius, but competency. I pay my bills on time and the only creditor who has called me in the last 3 years was involving the year 1999 and was caused by the old ex BB. I want to be more fiscally responsible. I want to save money and own things.
I am embarrassed by my weight. I am sad that I am alone.
I have plans. I read whatever, whenever I want.
Are things better? They are more honest. I work hard at not lying to myself or anyone else. Things are calmer. There is so much more laughter and conversation. I know I need to make some friends so that I will have someone to talk to when my children are gone. But that is 10 years from now.
|Thursday, January 19th, 2006|
About 10 years ago, my sister had an epiphany after seeing a photo of herself wearing a sleeveles dress that buttoned up the front. She suddenly realized she was fat.
I had not realized that she did not know she was getting pretty overweight. Her weight had gone up and down before and she had done various weight loss things. There was a cabbage soup diet that I particularly remember from 1989. But anyway.
This time she started Overeaters Anonymous meetings. She was really working this and lost quite a bit of weight. I went to one meeting with her. I'm not sure why she wanted me to go so badly. I could recognize that I had some of the same problems, I had been reading up on the program. But why did she want me to be there with her? For me, I think I would want to keep the meeting that I went to (if I had one) separate from certain other people. Like her. But anyway.
I did read a lot of about addictive behavior and compulsive overeating. I recognized myself very much. I began to follow this on my own. I lost probably about 20 pounds in 3 months. I remember feeling so good. Having this wonderful feeling of energy and feeling sexy instead of heavy, sleepy, and bloated. I was eating 3 meals and no snacking. No bags of chips while reading. No cookies and ice cream in bed. It was hard.
When we moved, I gained it all back plus a few. The change in community, culture, lifestyle was too much for me. I didn't know how to maintain my new choices in this place and reverted back to old behavior.
Now I weigh 40 lbs more than I did after the regain. So what do I do? How can I change myself, my life, so drastically that I lose 30% of me? It seems impossible.
|Saturday, January 14th, 2006|
My son is 18 today. So 10 years ago today he turned 8.
We lived in Columbia, SC. My husband, my 8 year old son, my son who turned 5 soon after and my daughter who had recently turned 2.
It was a split level on a pleasant street. Quiet. I was a stay at home mom. Oldest in 2nd grade at a wonderful school. Next in preschool at our church. His teacher lived right down the street. Baby at home with me.
Then husband worked for a mortgage company doing disaster preparedness. He did some traveling. He got the job in the spring and we moved down there in the summer. So we'd been there about six months. I was driving an 86 Buick Century and he had our Ford Escort Wagon but sometime in there he got himself a new VW Golf. Which I could not drive.
The 8 year old party. My parents even came down for it. This boy was really into penguins. So we had an arctic party. I made an igloo cake. And icing penguins. I blew up balloons, filled them with water and put them in the freezer. They made beautiful candle holders when the balloon was popped. We had snowflake decorations and all his artic stuffed animals. He had recently gotten glasses. They were round gold frames.
His brother had taken to wearing his blue blazer and tie everywhere because his father wore a suit to work.
His sister still had baby hair and baby face and spent most of her time attached to me.
The boys shared a room. The baby had her own. Still in the crib. The boys had bunk beds. We had that blue little tikes elephant slide in the yard. I think only two of the burners on the stove worked. I could never get the back door to open and the front door could be a problem too.
We went to the library a lot. Columbia has a great library system.
We made about 35,000, which is a little more than I make now. We never went to the hospital there and I never went to a doctor. The kids did have a good pediatrician. We went to the farmers market pretty regularly. The boys both played soccer. I have a soccer field story that falls pretty well in line with other stories of the marriage. Maybe I'll write it another day.
I wouldn't have minded staying in Columbia. The schools were good, I like our neighborhood. And the move we made in June definitely seemed like a downward one. I don't remember why we had to move, i'm not sure I ever knew.
|Sunday, January 8th, 2006|
Answer some basic info about yourself:
10 years ago:
Where did you live?
Where did you work/go to school?
Who did you live with?
How old were you?
Who did you love?
Who did you hate?
What did you wear?
What did you eat?
How much money did you make?
What did you watch?
What did you drive?
Now, what about today?
If you like, write something beyond just the questions. Tell a story from 10 years ago and one from today showing how things have changed/stayed the same.